In the middle of an annual intensive seminar for the master’s program I’m in…it’s lovely, of course. After the insane busyness of December, this…feels…so…GOOD.
Being with these people. Talking about the care of our souls and how to translate spiritual formation into our work in the local church. It’s so intensely practical – and it all starts in the individual heart. In the heart of the leader.
So there’s been opportunity abounding to go deep. Really all it’s requiring of me is this time away from the every day demands…and willingness to see the truth. And simple turning to that quiet place in my heart that I seem to have lost sight of.
One really beautiful opportunity was given last night in a guided inner healing session. Not sure I’m realy ready to throw the whole thing out for the world to see…but…
Lets just say it boiled down to sitting in a very safe and quiet place with Jesus. Really needing to give him something – a big box of STUFF…all tangled…a hopeless mess. Being unable to give him that until I gave up holding on to the wounds inflicted in one relationship and the false image of God created in part by that relationship.
When these were all placed in the hands of Jesus…he took them out of the room – out of that safe, quiet place…and rushed back in to be with me. He didn’t want me to be alone in the pain. yes, I’d given those things to him, but that didn’t mean the pain would be gone. He held me. Very close. And whispered a healing word…only one…over and over. “Be….be…be…be….be…”
It’s so insanely easy to “surrender” a wound to Christ and to go about patching up the pain in whatever ways we know how. But when we slip off into that, we start ‘mapquesting’ our way to the desired destination – that elusive and cruel image of who we “should” be. Which probably entails getting ourselves lost in the obsessive, guilt-inducing habits (in the box of tangled…shit) that we were trying to hand over to Jesus in the first place.
The only way out is to cling to this passionate, persistent Lover who has gloriously seduced us – and to just…be.
Be.

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